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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I am Home

This past Tuesday I went back to my home town. But I can really say it is no longer Home. It was an almost instant reminder of how that place makes me feel. Like a Child but in the worst way. I find in this place nothing much other than reminders of unhappy times and good food. It washed over me almost instantly stepping into the air out side of the airport. I was glad to have my Mom and Dad by my side. With out them I could of not made this trip. It was hard, hard for all of us only with all different reasons.

I was there with good reason. The reason I feared would draw be back there. It was strange to be in my Grandmother home with out her there. I have never been there like that, alone. I went to step back into her bedroom and it was as if there was a force field preventing me to enter her doors. I felt a over whelming sadness come over me.

Eventually I entered and it was empty. She was no longer there. I sat and serched for a lingering feeling of her. It wasn't there. She was no longer with us.

So in the next couple of days I visited with family some I haven't seen for some time. It was nice, very nice. I loved seeing my Aunt, Uncle, Great Aunt, my Brother. I also got to see others I haven't seen in what seems forever. We talked caught up and hope to stay that way. I suppose we'll see.

The memorial was lovely. It was a gathering of people she had impact on. Friends, family people she worked with. My Aunt welcomed everone and thanked them for coming.  My Brother then a Pastor friend of hers spoke. Then my Brother, Sister and I holding the strings of pale blue balloons,  together we let go.
Said goodbye.
One of the great highlights was a box that was uncovered in her garage rafters. It was a dusty old box filled with old photo albums filled with pictures that haven't been seen by any of us. It was amazing to look at this pictures. My grandparents as young people, in love and at the beginning of their lives together. There were also pictures of other family I never got to meet and rarely ever heard of. I wish I could of known them. I wish my Grandmother would of talked about them more. Now all we have left are these beautiful photos and I hope to display them so that al the family and related can enjoy them. Who knows maybe we can all piece it together and figure it all out together.

Coming Home was awesome. I sure missed my Family. I felt anxious wanting to get home. It took I swear for ever to get there. My Husband John swung open the door and there was he and my sweet Nathaniel waiting for us. I got the biggest best hug ever from my sweet boy. Johnpaul who after woke was not as happy. He was mad at me for going. Thankfully after awhile he forgave me. This trip now a memory now I am Home.

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