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Monday, October 26, 2009

I love you Grandma

I don't even know how to start this. We in some way or another knew it was coming. Sorta of was prepared. But how can you truly be prepared?

My Grandmother passed away this morning. We were all asleep in our beds, unknowing. I think back and I was awake with Christian. He's has a cold and I was up caring for him. At this same time while caring for this new little life hers was coming to an end.

My Aunt Stacy was with her. As she took her last breaths. She told her how she is loved and how she'll be missed. She has been by her side as her Angel through out. I thank God for that thank God for her.
She and I have not always had a close relationship. It hasn't really been till these last few years that we had come to an understanding.
She was a strong woman and even in the hard times when she would make me angry I always loved her. I always admired her. She was always someone to look up to. I always wanted to know more about her. She was a very private woman. But little by little she through the last several years let me in just a little more.
I wish I could of have known her more. I wish I had more time to.
We were in the midst of planning a family trip down to her.
All I wanted to do was place my children in her arms. I wanted her to look onto them with her own eyes. To know them. She loved them even though only meeting Johnpaul when he was only 8 months. This was the last time I saw her, hugged her. Our last conversation just a week before was great and I search my mind to remember our conversation. What we talked about what she said. There is never enough time. There are always those things you wish you could of said. Like Goodbye, I love you. Those things were said, but with out the knowing. The last thing I said to her was "I love you Grandma and we'll see you soon"

I Love you Grandma, I will miss you dearly. You are at home with God now you are no longer in pain you are at peace, give my love to Grandpa.

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