Okay please bear with me.
This is a very recent problem for me and I am having trouble of where to turn and who to talk to. This is a lot more personal and heavy than I usually allow myself to get and a large step for me. But I really need to do this. I need to get this out.
Sept 10th I just recently had a beautiful son :o)
He's my #3 boy and last.
I am feeling sad, weird whatever you have it because I am having giant doubt that I did the right thing.
I never really wanted to get it done. I did it "for the best of my family" When it was done it was economically better. It was 100% paid for. Because of insurance reasons. But here is the thing, I feel wrong for doing it. I feel like I did the wrong thing. But everyone I have tried to talk to this about, including my doctor keeps telling me... that it's normal to feel like this and it will go away.
Okay, well what if it doesn't???
What if I always feel like this??? I just don't feel like I did after I had my other two guys. I feel different. I keep thinking it is because of this. My doctor says no.
I didn't know how to get this feeling off of me. I know that I don't want any more babies. I mean it would be great if I was younger and richer and not to say also sanity. lol But this was a great place to stop. It's just the difference of much more. Something bigger. I keep asking myself am I talking myself into this place. This place of regret? Have I emotionally convinced myself that I have this problem because I did this? Is there really no chemical change and I am just emotionally strange for it?
I'm not the only one who has noticed my change. Practically everyone who is around me who knows me has said something about it. Most blame it on recent events. I am suspect that there is more. I am doing things I have never done before. Acting in a way that isn't the norm of me. I have changed, I am different.
I have 3 Beautiful Boys. But I am so sad and regretful for getting my tubes tied. I have to speak this; I have to get it off my chest. I need to come to terms with this.
Now my only prayer is that I get back into the gym, into my activities again and things will level out, recognize me again. Be okay again.
As it stands no, I am not okay. So I suppose to answer my question.... did I make a mistake...