Julie Whaley. Powered by Blogger.

I Heart Followers

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Did I make a mistake?

Okay please bear with me.

This is a very recent problem for me and I am having trouble of where to turn and who to talk to. This is a lot more personal and heavy than I usually allow myself to get and a large step for me. But I really need to do this. I need to get this out.

Sept 10th I just recently had a beautiful son :o)
He's my #3 boy and last.
I am feeling sad, weird whatever you have it because I am having giant doubt that I did the right thing.

I never really wanted to get it done. I did it "for the best of my family" When it was done it was economically better. It was 100% paid for. Because of insurance reasons. But here is the thing, I feel wrong for doing it. I feel like I did the wrong thing. But everyone I have tried to talk to this about, including my doctor keeps telling me... that it's normal to feel like this and it will go away.

Okay, well what if it doesn't???
What if I always feel like this??? I just don't feel like I did after I had my other two guys. I feel different. I keep thinking it is because of this. My doctor says no.

I didn't know how to get this feeling off of me. I know that I don't want any more babies. I mean it would be great if I was younger and richer and not to say also sanity. lol But this was a great place to stop. It's just the difference of much more. Something bigger. I keep asking myself am I talking myself into this place. This place of regret? Have I emotionally convinced myself that I have this problem because I did this? Is there really no chemical change and I am just emotionally strange for it?

I'm not the only one who has noticed my change. Practically everyone who is around me who knows me has said something about it. Most blame it on recent events. I am suspect that there is more. I am doing things I have never done before. Acting in a way that isn't the norm of me. I have changed, I am different.

I have 3 Beautiful Boys. But I am so sad and regretful for getting my tubes tied. I have to speak this; I have to get it off my chest. I need to come to terms with this.

Now my only prayer is that I get back into the gym, into my activities again and things will level out, recognize me again. Be okay again.

As it stands no, I am not okay. So I suppose to answer my question.... did I make a mistake...



  1. ((Hugs))

    Don't have much to say since I've never been there, but I hope you are able to work through this!

  2. You are likely going through some post partum mood disorder. I had it with both of my children. It is very normal, but also not something to ignore. If the sadness continues, talk to your doctor or see someone who specializes in post partum issues. You should enjoy your family and your new child. This is not you. It is hormones and stuff that you cannot necessarily control on your own. Good luck. My thoughts are with you.


I Heart Comments!!!


Related Posts with Thumbnails
My Reason, my Life , my Love

My Big Boy Johnpaul Thomas

My Big Boy Johnpaul Thomas
Born March 29th 2006 He's my Master Negotiator and Helper
This little man is my baby in training. He gave me the greatest honor of changing my life and title forever. He made me Mom. He made me important.

It has been a short four years that have blurred past of sword fights, super heroes and laughs.

Johnpaul is a Big Brother ask any one he doesn't take his title lightly.

One of my most favorite of many amazing attributes of Johnpaul is his idea of Honor Love and Family. He is a awesome little boy. I look forward in watching him grow.

My Big & Naughty Nathaniel Jacob

My Big & Naughty Nathaniel Jacob
Born November 21st 2007 He's my Determined Problem Solver
This guy was worry from within the whom. At week 15 I started to bleed. We were loosing him. It was that day this sweet one even before breathing air taught me one of my most precious life lessons.. patience.

Before I had little but while pregnant with him I was on strict bed rest for 172 days. I was more than worth it.

My image of him was he was the most Determined person.. boy was I right. He will because of this be anything he wants. Greatness is in his future.

Nathaniel is loving, sweet and considerate. He can melt your worst day with his smile.

My sweet baby Christian Michael

My sweet baby Christian Michael
Born September 10th 2009 He is my Big Snuggler
This little love. He's my last but in no where my least. He was not planned but was very welcome. He was an Anniversary Gift the best kind ever. Christian doesn't talk yet or walk but I can already tell he's a big thinker.

He is always watching. I can't wait to see how his personality unfolds... but at the same time hope he takes his sweet time. He is my baby, my last and I'd like to keep him sdmall for a bit ;o)

Music I like

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

  © Blog Design by Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates

Back to TOP