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Monday, March 29, 2010

It’s been a Privilege

It’s not at all difficult to even think about what I was doing at this time four years ago. I sat looking at him in awe. I felt my heart as full as I ever thought possible. Touching his hair and small body and feeling his tiny breath on me. I kept thinking is this real? Can this really be happening?

I had that feeling of fear, pride, love and worry all wrapped up in one. How do I know if I’d be good enough to fill this position? How will I know what he needs? Will I do the right thing? I was so scared. I became protective in away I always fthought I would but never expected the truth behind it. Looking at him, holding him ...I felt … Right.

This little person made me different. He made me calm, he made my heart full. He made me important. My life had changed forever and I thank him. He made me Mom. I evolved into a Mother.
Through these short four years I’ve gotten to watch him grow and change. It’s been amazing watching him learn and discover his surroundings and himself. Watching that light come on when he’s discovered he can do it. Now at four he’s becoming a boy not a little boy not a toddler not a baby. He’s changing and growing towards his own real personality. I’m watching it. I am watching his future self unfold. It’s amazing. It’s a privilege.

Today at 12:43am I found myself wondering the halls to go to him. It was then just four years ago I started my Love Affair. Today we celebrate Johnpaul. Happy Birthday My Love, Happy Birthday Johnpaul!!

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