It’s been a Privilege

It’s not at all difficult to even think about what I was doing at this time four years ago. I sat looking at him in awe. I felt my heart as full as I ever thought possible. Touching his hair and small body and feeling his tiny breath on me. I kept thinking is this real? Can this really be happening?


I had that feeling of fear, pride, love and worry all wrapped up in one. How do I know if I’d be good enough to fill this position? How will I know what he needs? Will I do the right thing? I was so scared. I became protective in away I always fthought I would but never expected the truth behind it. Looking at him, holding him ...I felt … Right.

This little person made me different. He made me calm, he made my heart full. He made me important. My life had changed forever and I thank him. He made me Mom. I evolved into a Mother.

Through these short four years I’ve gotten to watch him grow and change. It’s been amazing watching him learn and discover his surroundings and himself. Watching that light come on when he’s discovered he can do it. Now at four he’s becoming a boy not a little boy not a toddler not a baby. He’s changing and growing towards his own real personality. I’m watching it. I am watching his future self unfold. It’s amazing. It’s a privilege.

Today at 12:43am I found myself wondering the halls to go to him. It was then just four years ago I started my Love Affair. Today we celebrate Johnpaul. Happy Birthday My Love, Happy Birthday Johnpaul!!

What's Charlie Talking About?

I'd like to shamesly plug my friends. I love my friends and are proud of my friends. If they are doing something great I'd like to take a moment and show them off. So at this time I'll brag about my friend. She goes by the pen name of Charlie Courtland. I will not give her true name because well I am not totally certain this would be a good thing :o)

But I will say that she is an amazing writer and woman. I have had the pleasure of knowing her for well since I was 16 years old. That is just shy of 20 years. We were parted for some time due to life happenings and through the miracle of facebook reunited lol It was then I learned of her awesome book she was then still writing. So here is my shameless plug on her behalf, hopefully she won't read this and shake her head at me lol  Her Blogs: Bitsy Bling Books  & What's Charlie Talking About? 

Today I just can’t Win

Since the moment my eye balls popped. I just can’t win. What little sleep I got last night was repeatly interrupted by a super stuffy nose and a cranky baby. Now I know that the baby is cranky probably because his noisy Mom is up and down all night blowing her nose so, I’ll take that one. Strike one…

But then I go to take a bath to try and relieve this congestion. I get a sweet miniature visitor knocking at the door. It’s Nate and he wants to take a bath with me too. As cute as it is, I kinda was hoping to relax and decompress. Oh well, we had a great time playing when I go and invite Johnpaul to hop in too. He says no so we go on our merry way playing. Just as we get out dry off and begin dressing in comes Johnpaul VERY upset because he now decides he wants to bath with us. *Sigh* Strike two….

Nathaniel and Johnpaul keep saying they want to see their Na Non and Pop Pop so, I make the call. It’s been a long while since we’ve seen them. And longer since the kids got to play with them. January 10th. Pops is all stoked so I get off the phone and tell the kids. Yippee good times…Since we are going to be in their area awesome, that will work out great!!

No guess not. My Mom calls back saying she doesn’t think it a good idea. The kids just got over being ill and she believes it to be a mistake. Huhhhh… that she is My Mom after I say I think this would be my call Mom… Yes you are MY Mom but you are not THEIR Mom . This has been a constant struggle for her since I having kids. I know she is my Mom. I know that she is NOT there’s. If I felt it was a issue I would not take them. It is ME who deals with it if they are sick not HER. It's my call of how they are doing. Being on the phone doesn't could for in person first hand knowing.

Okay yes my kids just did get over being ill. But they are done with their meds and are sick to see them. It’s not as though we are going outside o the park. Or going swimming or anything that could put them in health or physical jeopardy. It’s to Grandma and Grandpas house for crying out loud.

They haven’t seen them for 2 months… They miss them and every time we make plans they cancel them. I can’t keep telling my kids “sorry we can’t go to Grandma and Grandpas house today” My 4 year old gets so bummed out and my 2 year old is getting there. They don’t understand. I get the feeling a lot of the time that she just doesn’t want company. And I’ve asked her this. If this is in fact the issue she needs to say so. This is how I feel. Plans made talked about all week long then boom day of, just hours before meeting canceled….My Mom has been ill. Now no I am not blaming her for being ill, but if there is opportunity to see them then why wouldn't she??

Now she’s all mad and I’m all mad. It doesn’t feel real good about going over there but my kids want to see them so bad. So last question asked “So are we coming over??” “Yes you can come, but I don’t want any more of this” she says… Any more…?” Any more of what??? Whatever. Strike Three…

Again. My continuous issue is I guess have expectations. I want my kids to have time with them. Am I over exceeding my expectations???

I don’t think so.

Ahhhhh!!!!!! Okay I'm better now.

Okay if it isn’t bad enough because the week has been nuts with crazy sick babies now this..
It’s a small thing, but it was the final thing to throw me into pissed mode. Background might be good.

I woke up this morning..sick. *sigh* I’m sick. Lame!! But this isn’t it.
I just went over to the fridge to fill my sweet little ones cups with cold delicious milk and it happened. Here where I begin my whining and ranting. I promise it will be short. lol

Do any of you buy your milk from Costco??? Kirkland brand??
Okay I have to start off by saying I LOVE the milk and LOVE the price of it too. So in no way shape or form am I capping on Costco or Kirkland. Now that that is said I will say I HATE HATE HATE the containers they come in….. Hate, there I said it or wrote it at least.
I go to pour and like it’s happen plenty of times before it freakin SPILLS everywhere!!!! There is no right way of getting this stuff from point A to point B without causing a mess.

Ya know the saying "There is no use crying over spilled milk." Well it really depends on how much milk we are talking about! We buy 6 gallons of this stuff weekly. I am guessing spill about a half gallon of it on to my counters and floor. That adds up! It's a conspiracy I tell ya!!!
Sure this is a small thing and I am most likely acting like a baby and I’m positive it’s because after a grueling week of three sick kids no sleep and now being sick this final tiny little itssy bitsy thing throwns my panties in a bunchy.
Whew…. Deep breaths. I feel… better.

Bad week ..gone Wild

Okay so the week actually begun Friday last week… With Christian not sleeping. We thought then it was just simply teething. Wrong. Then it moved on to a high temp of 103.8 from Nathaniel. So now it’s not just a fussy baby with a cough. It is now a two year old with a severe cough and a temp. All plans aborted for the weekend. We are now on lock down. We got up Sunday to revisit Christian with now a 102.5 temp. Sick baby #2. Johnpaul still seeming fine we decide to drop him at his Grandparents house in hopes that we’ll get to rest the other two and get by this. Seemed like a good plan. Till the next morning when Johnpaul now turns up with a nasty cough! Sick kid #3!! Really…..??
So we visit the docs and it turns out Nate and Christian have Bronchitis. Christian with an additional treat of a rear infection. Should be better by Wednesday…
So today being Wednesday we stroll into the doctors office for Christian’s 6 month check up. Yep 6 months have whizzed by! Only to find that Christian is recovering nicely, his ear infection is just about gone and he’s growing nicely. 17lbs 9.5oz 17 ½ inches long.
So here comes the bad… So examines Nathaniel. Looks up at me and says “Let’s get a chest X-ray. I think he might have pneumonia. “
Awesome!!! My poor kid. So we go over and do that. He’s a great boy about it. Better than I could of ever dreamed. We finally get out of there and return back to the peds office. They “attempt” to do a breathing treatment on him.. yeah~ I’m not going to tackle my kid every 4 hours hold him down and force this medicine in his face for 10 minutes!! No, won’t do it. Option 2 please. So after an hour we make way towards the pharmacy. I thinking this will take no longer than 10 minutes.. Wrong again. 45 minutes later with screaming Nate, Johnpaul running everywhere and Christian’s pants exploded we FINALLY leave!!!
I get them into the van and go to lift the back to put in the stroller.. LOCKED! Really?? Johnpaul my almost 4 year old pushes the door lock button. My keys are in the driver’s seat. “Johnpaul unlock the door!!!” Ha ha ha, he thinks this is so funny. Lucky me I have the spare in the bottom of my purse. Naughty head.
Oh well we are home. Might have to go back Friday. Woo hoo!!!

Sick House

Having three small children is difficult enough. Especially 3 boys. There are days I want to pull all my hair out. I spend my day breaking up fights, kissing boo boos, foiling plans and playing with my three guys. Through all of this cleaning house, doing laundry and making meals...This in its self is a huge daily accomplishment.

So when sick comes to town it’s not not not good.

Okay one sick kid, it’s a challenge. But can be managed. Two sick kids now we are working overtime… THREE sick babies!!!! Okay might be a little over my head lol!!

But I can and am handling it. As a Mama you learn as you go this one simple fact you are a Super Person. You can do it for one simple fact, you have to. Your amazing love for them makes this happen. So anything is possible.
I love my kids just... beyond the reach of infinity and if it means 9 hours of sleep over a 4 day span… well then bring it on. I’m goofy and sometimes snippy but I’m dealing.
Yesterday we learned my two youngest have bronchitis… to top things off my youngest 6 months old tomorrow also has a nasty ear infection. Johnpaul still sick, but with a run of the mill cold. He should be okay in a few days.He's in good spirits which have made things interesting to say the least. He just doesn't understand why his brawling partner is just laying there... *sigh*
By this weekend this should be behind us. I hope.

Worst Night Ever....

Okay so... I am now just up.
Not because I slept in but because I didn't Go to sleep till my Husband woke up at 6am.

Christian was up all night, literally ALL night. Crying, whining, screaming, nursing, moaning. There was NOTHING I could do. Believe be I tried.
I have two others to take care of. My husband let me sleep till 8:30 when Christian wanted to nurse again.

The hopes were after that he'd also want to sleep... NOT.

*Sigh* How am I going to make it on 2 hours of sleep today when I went to bed so very tired last night? My milk supply is really low today. That makes me nervous.... I pray this little baby sleeps tonight. I can't keep going on this way. My poor little guy is it because he's growing, has a little cold? Poor kid! Poor Mama.

I thought there was change??

So I have been battling with trying to get my weight down since I had sweet heart #3. I thought I was in the right direction. I thought I there was change.

Well…. I was wrong. I haven’t weighed myself in about two weeks and I stepped on today. Holy COW!!! I’ve gained!! Seriously?? How? I’ve been a good girl. I even gave up dessert for lent! Then it got redesigned as Ice Cream lol Can’t move mountains in a day. None the less I’ve been good. More exercise, better sleep. I should weigh less!!!
The only thing that is different is that I seem smaller. Now, that in mind I already know that muscle weighs more than fat but come on scale!! MOVE!!!! I still have my goal by my Birthday May 14th but I cannot see how I could lose the weight I want to by then in a healthy manner. So I am altering my goal. I cannot risk losing my milk supply. So 140 by May 14th… Heck I’ll settle for 145!!!