I Feel like hiding

I have come to the conclusion that I am more stressed, disorganized, pressured, worried, wound up, tense, heart ached and worn out than I have ever been in my life these days.

The trials of my life is getting to me. It is... I am completely saturated with the woes of my Mother combined with the normal wear and tear of my little Family, friends, acquaintances and it is leaving torn at the seams. I have nothing left for myself.... It is effecting the way I handle things in my day to day life. How I am with my kids. They deserve a whole Mommy not this cheap impostor they are getting right now. They are happy though they get what they need want .. so life is good. They do deserve the real thing though.

But....

What do you do when you need to re set recharge or what ever.. and can't?? It's not like I can leave to have a quiet walk by myself just to let my brain get off of pause. It's just not possible. Every corner of my life right now is a reminder of the chaotic mess it's become. Every where I turn I'm reminded that I need to resort well... EVERYTHING.

So now what? Do I should I close all the windows and lock all the doors?? Julie can't come out and play today... she's not feeling Well....?
I fear just another brick on my wobbly foundation will bring the whole thing down around me.
Ever feel like this?? What to do ... what to do??




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What do you do?

What do you do when there is nothing you can say...?

Nothing you can do???

Nothing you haven't already done, said... or tried to do??? 

When you seem to be at the end of the rope... end of the rope and practically out of hope??

Nothing makes a difference.

I am now resorted to the power of prayer.

It is known by few what my plight is. What has been happening. 

I try to go on with my day, smile intact... trying to go on. With this mental image in my mind. 

The fear is very real and approaching faster each day.

My fears are becoming reality. 

What do you do when every thing you say to someone, do and plead with them makes NO difference??? 

What do you do when your tears seem at the time to make an impact only to prove to mean nothing??

What do you do to make your fears be known to your loved one only to repeat it over and over??

I've tried to reason.

To explain, to get MAD! 

To scream, cry, give ultimatums. 

Good Cop Bad cop.

And still.... 

The only thing that HAS changed is her condition is quickening. She is running out of time. I can feel it. 

I am scared. I feel powerless. 

I can't imagine a day with out her. A world a life.
She is my friend my mentor 

my Mother.

God please give us hope.

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Life is on the Move

Christian is officially totally WALKING now! 

Not just cursing.. not just steps... all out Walking!

Now for a total week this kid has pretty much stopped crawling. Don't get me wrong. 

He does occasionally crawl. But just for a moment only to get up and walk again. 

He's 11 months old, my latest walker. I have enjoyed his delay!!

He's like a teenager who just got his license(or a L.A resident LOL)... 

Your only going down the block you could easily walk it but you drive because you CAN!

Yep, that's him. He seems to be walking to walk. But it also brings me to a further dilemma. 

Now that he's walking I now have 

Three VERY mobile little people all over my house!!!! 

Now I have yet a crazier house to look forward to. 

Three crazy dare devils to run after. Three kids to call the Husband about during the day. 

He hears it a lot. "Do you know what your son just did???" 

Christian is now very added to this list. Because he, just like them is very active. Oh well... 

I'm told that Boys are harder when they are little and easier when they mature... Oh boy. 

This could be a while.

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My Baby is a Dare Devil

Seriously???? Really??? LOL

This kid just might be the end of me.

11 months old and Christian is on a mission for craziness.

He follows EVERYTHING his big brothers do.

What to do?? What to do??

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And the Award for Dumbest Mama goes to....

What was I thinking????


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Why? Do some Feel the need??

Okay so I rant from time to time. Please feel free to agree. I have only a couple of pet peeves and one I’ve wrote about before, this one is somewhat related to it.
Before I wrote about the subject of “Wow, You’ve got your hands full” now I have to add to it.


I am soooooo sick and tired of people seeing I have three boys and in disgust or delight making the statements “Oh, so I guess you’re trying for that girl” or “You must have been upset about not getting that girl” or my personal favorite ”Don’t you wish he would of been a girl so you’d be complete?”

Okay seriously! Where in the hell do people get it into their minds where it is okay… to say this crud! Why would they think in any way shape or form that I should would or even could be upset with what I got?

Well I will give my total honest feeling on it.

People who know me know this… I wanted Boys. I was worried in a way that my last baby was a girl. I was worried that it would upset the flow of our house. I would have loved it if it were a girl and adjusted but I truly wanted all boys.

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE girls. But I don’t play dollies, tea parties and all that goes a long with being a little girl. I’m not supper girly. This is funny because when I was little I was All about the dolls, dresses and the purse that matched. I LOVE my Nieces and love to pick them out that super special pretty dress for their Birthdays. They are use to it and expect it LOL with them I can get my Girl on. Girls are just different.

With Boys you are more than likely going to spend some time at the hospital for dumb stunts… With Girls you’re more than likely going to spend a fair chunk of time screaming at a closed door!! Both lives sound crazy but with all three the same sex maybe we can get a solid game plan. LOL

But I hate the idea that people think they can come up and say that I would be upset with the sex of my children. And that I should feel incomplete with it, its offensive. I am sick and tired of this and am having the hardest time not blowing up on them. I keep my cool because of my kids. Because I’m not sure Mommy would use the prettiest language. So what then? Should I sport a shirt saying Proud Mama to All Boys?

That’s an idea…..



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Frustration from a very Sleep Deprived Mama

Please excuse this post. This comes from a worn down Mama.

I feel zero motivation. I barely feel motivated to do this post LOL!! My little sweet baby has for now the past 2 weeks been up screaming just about every half an hour. I don’t know what’s going on with him. It’s a change from his once an hour or so. He’s teething, growing, got gas, just grumpy and I’m sure he’s got his little mind going as well.

I’m only accustomed to getting no more than 4 hours of broken sleep a night. So I hold those few hours I do get very very important. The lack of it is wearing on me.

Any who, it’s making my brain mush. I hear all the time make sure you get a nap. Yeah right… I get right on that. There is No opportunity for me to nap. When morning hits the chance for sleep leaves with it. I have three small children. If you have only one sure, nap, take a shower, do the house work you need to. You can do a lot of stuff with only one child. I hear of Moms of one freaking out and go on about how stressful it is. You’re freaked now? You have NO idea what stress is till you add that second one in.

I look back at that time when it was only Johnpaul and laugh at myself now. I use to be almost in tears by the time John came home from work. Handing over Johnpaul and feeling so defeated from the stressful day LOL! You grow better tolerance and you evolve as your family grows.

I’ve been getting a lot of suggestions on what might be “wrong” with him. Well, this is kid #3 for me and they all do it. At least mine two older ones did. All kids are different and I guess I have this effect on them. They like me so much they have to wake all hours of the night just to be in my arms.

Christian is crawling now. So he is now constantly crawling after me, crying. It’s very sad. I feel bad for him. I wonder what is going through his little mind. Does this poor kid think I’m making a break for it LOL No baby just like your Brother’s thought, I’m Not going anywhere. You’re all stuck with me.

I hoped that his independence would give him just that. Nope. It’s just made a way for him to get to me if I do break away to do duties in the house. So my house is a mess. I have a sink full of dishes. That’s not new but my laundry is done from the Great Day of Laundry from last week. I NEED to clean my bathrooms. I’ll get it done..

So my fuse is short today. I’m dealing, I’ll live. Little bit of a rant, I’m better now. Sorry.

Ahhhhh!!!!!! Okay I'm better now.

Okay if it isn’t bad enough because the week has been nuts with crazy sick babies now this..
It’s a small thing, but it was the final thing to throw me into pissed mode. Background might be good.

I woke up this morning..sick. *sigh* I’m sick. Lame!! But this isn’t it.
I just went over to the fridge to fill my sweet little ones cups with cold delicious milk and it happened. Here where I begin my whining and ranting. I promise it will be short. lol

Do any of you buy your milk from Costco??? Kirkland brand??
Okay I have to start off by saying I LOVE the milk and LOVE the price of it too. So in no way shape or form am I capping on Costco or Kirkland. Now that that is said I will say I HATE HATE HATE the containers they come in….. Hate, there I said it or wrote it at least.
I go to pour and like it’s happen plenty of times before it freakin SPILLS everywhere!!!! There is no right way of getting this stuff from point A to point B without causing a mess.

Ya know the saying "There is no use crying over spilled milk." Well it really depends on how much milk we are talking about! We buy 6 gallons of this stuff weekly. I am guessing spill about a half gallon of it on to my counters and floor. That adds up! It's a conspiracy I tell ya!!!
Sure this is a small thing and I am most likely acting like a baby and I’m positive it’s because after a grueling week of three sick kids no sleep and now being sick this final tiny little itssy bitsy thing throwns my panties in a bunchy.
Whew…. Deep breaths. I feel… better.

Sick House

Having three small children is difficult enough. Especially 3 boys. There are days I want to pull all my hair out. I spend my day breaking up fights, kissing boo boos, foiling plans and playing with my three guys. Through all of this cleaning house, doing laundry and making meals...This in its self is a huge daily accomplishment.

So when sick comes to town it’s not not not good.

Okay one sick kid, it’s a challenge. But can be managed. Two sick kids now we are working overtime… THREE sick babies!!!! Okay might be a little over my head lol!!

But I can and am handling it. As a Mama you learn as you go this one simple fact you are a Super Person. You can do it for one simple fact, you have to. Your amazing love for them makes this happen. So anything is possible.
I love my kids just... beyond the reach of infinity and if it means 9 hours of sleep over a 4 day span… well then bring it on. I’m goofy and sometimes snippy but I’m dealing.
Yesterday we learned my two youngest have bronchitis… to top things off my youngest 6 months old tomorrow also has a nasty ear infection. Johnpaul still sick, but with a run of the mill cold. He should be okay in a few days.He's in good spirits which have made things interesting to say the least. He just doesn't understand why his brawling partner is just laying there... *sigh*
By this weekend this should be behind us. I hope.

Worst Night Ever....

Okay so... I am now just up.
Not because I slept in but because I didn't Go to sleep till my Husband woke up at 6am.

Christian was up all night, literally ALL night. Crying, whining, screaming, nursing, moaning. There was NOTHING I could do. Believe be I tried.
I have two others to take care of. My husband let me sleep till 8:30 when Christian wanted to nurse again.

The hopes were after that he'd also want to sleep... NOT.

*Sigh* How am I going to make it on 2 hours of sleep today when I went to bed so very tired last night? My milk supply is really low today. That makes me nervous.... I pray this little baby sleeps tonight. I can't keep going on this way. My poor little guy is it because he's growing, has a little cold? Poor kid! Poor Mama.